If Famous Writers Had Written Twilight
Lizzie Starks at io9 parodies Twilight as if it was written by more canonical authors. Herman Melville’s version seems most apt:
“Call me Bella.” A tome about the length of the original series investigates Bella’s monomanical search for the vampire who stole her virginity. There’s an entire chapter devoted to describing the devastating whiteness of Edward’s skin, and several on the physiognomy of vampires, starting with their skeletal structure outward.
Although, I would love to read Haruki Murakami’s version, courtesy of commenter Benk:
Bella has sex with Edward, who is half a ghost. Jacob is a talking cat. Most of the prose is given over to descriptions of Bella making pasta.
(via puelhathnofury)
